short stories

• when i was seven all i wanted to be was eight.

• i woke up this morning, sneezed and looked around for a tissue - there were none to be had.

• i chased a duck when i was in pre-school once - it bit my cock.

• the night michael jackson died, someone's facebook status said, "You can do it, MJ". I googled michael jordan immediately, but he was fine.

• my first kiss was behind the slides at the playground; we decided to stare into each other's eyes until we fell in love.

• the breakdown in cyndi lauper's "girls just want to have fun" gives me the chills.

• i briefly felt the satisfaction of having landed the ollie off the box before i stood up and looked at my hand; all my fingers were wrenched backwards and my eyes burst from my skull.

• the first thing i did when i took off my glove to see why my finger was hurting and saw that it was twisted around my other fingers in a manner not physically possible was whip out my cell phone and take a picture.

• when i fell into the rapids and the brown, frothing water was swirling like ten foot walls 360 degrees around me i screamed, inhaling the muddy, bubbling liquid into my lungs. no one heard me.

• i want to be sitting on a white-sand beach, looking out at clear, turquoise water, drinking a piña colada from a coconut.

• i briefly dated this girl i wasn't really interested in in ninth or tenth grade, and when she asked me if i loved her i said, "Yes."

• i've been listening to music in headphones again, even when i am alone.