short stories

• when i was seven all i wanted to be was eight.

• i woke up this morning, sneezed and looked around for a tissue - there were none to be had.

• i chased a duck when i was in pre-school once - it bit my cock.

• the night michael jackson died, someone's facebook status said, "You can do it, MJ". I googled michael jordan immediately, but he was fine.

• my first kiss was behind the slides at the playground; we decided to stare into each other's eyes until we fell in love.

• the breakdown in cyndi lauper's "girls just want to have fun" gives me the chills.

• i briefly felt the satisfaction of having landed the ollie off the box before i stood up and looked at my hand; all my fingers were wrenched backwards and my eyes burst from my skull.

• the first thing i did when i took off my glove to see why my finger was hurting and saw that it was twisted around my other fingers in a manner not physically possible was whip out my cell phone and take a picture.

• when i fell into the rapids and the brown, frothing water was swirling like ten foot walls 360 degrees around me i screamed, inhaling the muddy, bubbling liquid into my lungs. no one heard me.

• i want to be sitting on a white-sand beach, looking out at clear, turquoise water, drinking a piña colada from a coconut.

• i briefly dated this girl i wasn't really interested in in ninth or tenth grade, and when she asked me if i loved her i said, "Yes."

• i've been listening to music in headphones again, even when i am alone.

dont count your chickens

a balloon
A small one
That will inflate
With a kiss

It will expand
And rise above
To new views
New frontiers

But tomorrow
Let go
It will flop
Agitated and cold

Flounder and fall
Becoming the used
Empty skin
Disabled at such a young age

Gray Ynn Meadow

its always strange,

walking a room full of determined producers ( at least for the 20 minute's they're in )

each one in they're own sphere of needs and wants

of course were all here for the same ball park reason,

some may have particulars that brought that here

but in the end were all washing off the same sweat.

I was sitting reading a book in my room by myself

I burped and then I said, "Excuse me"

starving

naked in bed

eyes open

trying to fall asleep

squirming like a turtle that is caught in its shell

six hours of staring at the ceiling

breakfast

an omelet and a bowl of cereal

cigarette

two dollars for the bus

firetrucks parked outside an apartment building

smoke billowing from a fourth floor window

the Barnes and nobles is the same as always

they don't have any books by Ann beattie or Kathy acker or pretty much any women

the Mexican restaurant is the same as always

enchilads are five dollars

chips and salsa are free

water is free

beer costs three dollars

the dollar store is the same as always

generic peanut butter cups are one dollar

holographic diffraction grafting glasses are one dollar

beer and cigarettes are not sold at the dollar store

i feel ambiguous

i went into work today and i couldn't tell if i seemed engaged or detached

i felt very detached in a very engaging way

when i looked into the eyes of a fellow worker i could tell that we were only communicating on a very superficial level

then again, he might have felt detached too

i am sitting at my desk and i am thinking of picking up my phone and calling alice

i have been thinking about calling alice for years now

i take a sip of my beer

i am not going to call alice

i chug the rest of my beer and call alice

the phone keeps ringing and then goes to the voicemail

i hang up immediately

perhaps she will never even know that i called and then it won't be awkward

i sit at my desk and stare at the computer screen

my eyes become glazed on the monitor

my phone begins vibrating

i jump out of the chair in shock

it is alice calling me

i sit back down in the chair and play it cool

i pick up the phone

"hello?"

"hi, bob, it's alice. you called me?"

"umm, yeah..."

"what's up?"

"nothing. nothing at all. why do you ask?"

"well my phone said i had a missed call from you, so i was calling you back."

"oh yeah, i did call you. i was just seeing what you were up to."

"oh, well right now i'm at the bar with my friends."

"oh okay."

"did you need something?"

"oh not really, i was just seeing what you were up to and if maybe you'd like to hang out sometime."

"oh yeah, sure. we should do that."

"cool."

"cool. well, my friends are talking to me now, so i better go, but i'll call you soon, okay?"

"okay. bye, bye."

"bye, bye."

i slowly close my phone and stare at it.

i wait for it to vibrate again.

i want her to call me back, saying she will leave her friends and come to me.

i fall asleep with my head against the desk.

why are those people laughing?

i squint my eyes at them, trying to figure it out

why is the wind blowing so hard?

i continue to walk in a straight line as if i dont even notice

why did that car just honk?

i check my fly to make sure my penis isn't hanging out

why does this food taste like it is plastic?

i throw my meal down in a trash can

everything outside of myself seems to be oppressive and i want to go back to my bed

i am walking back to my house

i pass a blonde woman with nice cheekbones

i walk into my house

i put my hands down my pants

i touch my penis

it doesn't move

sometime i think i will never get an erection again

when i think of the fourth of july

i think of assholes shooting off fireworks and thinking they're cool

i stand watching them while i smoke a cigarette, thinking that i am cool

when i think of america

i think of assholes shooting off fireworks and thinking they are cool

i stand watching them while i smoke a cigarette, thinking that i am cool

the moon is brighter than all of the fireworks

i like the moon

the moon revolves the earth

the moon is part of the universe

when you think of the universe you can think of god (if you believe in him, which i don't)

it's like god had sex with some space dust and forgot to wear a condom

and we were created by mistake

and america is the sum total of that mistake

i wake up and look at my wrists

the veins are visible

i am skinny

i sit and stare at my computer for two hours

i take a shower

i cut my nails

i put on underpants

i put on pants

i put on a shirt

a flannel shirt

i put on socks

i put on shoes

i go outside

i light a cigarette

i check my fly

i don't know when this will end and i am too depressed to care

the lawn can't mow itself

but it should

what can i get for you today?

slicing cheese

slicing meat

have a nice day/night

most days the sun falls and i don't even notice

the grass in the ground is brownish-green

it looks very dry

the sky hasn't rained in over two weeks

i walk through the field aimlessly

i walk one hundred and eleven steps to my left

then forty steps forward

then eighteen to my right

i walk up to a small tree that is in the middle of the field

i stare at it and feel blank

the faun walks out into the road

a boy on a bicycle pummels towards the faun

the boy swerves towards the curb

the faun jumps into the middle of the road to avoid the boy

a yellow SUV runs into faun

the faun falls to the ground, blood dripping from its head

the woman driving the SUV gets out and screams incoherently

i watch from the sidewalk

i light a cigarette

the faun's eyes seem to be crossed irrevocably

i begin walking at a medium pace away from the scene of the accident