online literature since 2007

Monday, September 24, 2007

i am an inanimate object

i no longer read magazines in the bathroom. i hardly even take a good novel or textbook in there anymore. usually its my computer that accompanies me to the shitter. we've been together now for i'd say about a little over a year. i hardly go a day without seeing it. we will be announcing our engagement any day soon. then we will spoon and spoon like we have never spooned before.

i go to the drinking fountain and sea water comes out. i ask a man why it tastes like salt water. he says that they-do-it-for-real here. hmmmm. that's an interesting take on water. i fill a bottle full of the salt water and then tightly turn the cap closed. i will have to show this to someone. someone will marvel at this. perhaps the bank teller will. yes, i am quite certain the bank will love this!

i go to the bank and the teller tells me to give them money. i say that i didn't bring money and just want to talk. they say there is no time to talk, there's only so much sunlight, and they give me a pen to sign my paycheck that i didn't bring. i go across the street to the grocery store and buy tampons and condoms. as i am in line waiting i also decide to buy a gossip magazine and an eight-pack of peanut butter cups.

but i don't have money to pay for the peanut butter cups so i walk out of the store with the tampons, condoms, gossip magazine, and peanut butter cups. as i leave the store a man says hey. he wants to know where i am going. i tell him i don't know. he's says i have to pay for the items. i say i did.

-andrew worthington


Royale said...

you would love richard brautigan. that said, i love the piece. so lovely. quirky, but not in a disgusting way. you know, how quirky is kind of disgusting? or just predictable, predictably quirky, you know? wes anderson said something funny about that though recently in new york magazine, "when they say a movie is 'too smart for its own good,' as if we're trying to show how great and cool we are...sometimes it hurts my feelings." but this isn't pretentious in the least. it's kind of sad and beautiful. i hope your feelings are intact.
actally, your piece made me want to steal something.


Anonymous said...

I love it! Very creative!That's actually really cool.

amy said...